Do Not–especially in a Marriage–Let Feelings Guide You

A major cultural problem of our time is the problem of feelings, and what I mean by this is that too many people either do or do not do things not because they morally should or should not do them, nor because they have a duty to either do or not do them, but rather because they either feel or don’t feel like doing these things, and while letting your feelings guide you may be fine for deciding which wine to drink with dinner, or whether to have chicken or fish, or whether to watch this show rather than that one, in civilized society at large, and in order to maintain civilization itself, being guided–or even being motivated–by one’s feelings is a serious flaw, for feelings and emotions are ever-changing tides that focus intensely on present and fleeting preferences, and so for the many people who cannot control their feelings, being guided by such a force means not being really guided at all, but rather getting moved back-and-forth between different ends all depending on how your feelings push you at that moment; furthermore, it is especially in a marriage, and in the fulfillment of one’s marital duties, both sexual and otherwise, that feelings have little place in the matter, and if they do, then such a marriage will, perhaps ironically, eventually dissolve into explicit or implicit separation, for no marriage can actually be strong or last if, say, the husband let’s his residence and his family fall into disrepair and disrepute because he does not “feel” like doing any work and would rather watch sports on his couch than work (and what woman should stay with such a man…none, obviously!), and no marriage will be content if, say, the wife often rejects the husband’s sexual advances because she does not “feel” like having marital relations when he asks for it (and what man should stay with sch a woman….none, obviously!), and so as in life, a marriage, and the decisions that are made in a marriage, should be based on duty and morality, not on one’s feelings, and it is in large part due to the fact that this truth has been forgotten that we have seen the rise in divorce and other marital problems in our present society…so remember that your own feelings are fickle things, and they are untrustworthy for guiding action, and so in life, and especially in one’s marriage, one needs to be guided by one’s unwavering duty to the vows and implicit promises that one has made, not by whether one “feels like” fulfilling those vows or not.


One thought on “Do Not–especially in a Marriage–Let Feelings Guide You

  1. A woman is ultimately accountable for her own safety and health, thus refusing sexual advances by her husband (perhaps using force) is a necessity and a moral duty when her physical and mental health are at risk. Marriage doesn’t mean that the man gets whatever he wants in bed whenever he “feels like it”, he has no need for sex in the way he requires air, food or water or shelter. Some couples (Catholics and others who condemn the use chemical birth control and prophylactics) must abstain in order to avoid pregnancies which they can ill afford, so a man must be willing to set aside his sexual “feelings” for the good of the household, even for extended periods. If he cannot control himself, it will be left to his wife to refuse as needed and hold firm, no matter his “feelings” on the matter. So long as a man realizes his “feelings” about sex are no more or less important than hers, the couple will resolve disagreements rationally.


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