An Anti-Theist, not a Cowardly Atheist

I have a confession to make:  I am convinced that very strong arguments–arguments which are essentially beyond a reasonable doubt–exist which support the claim that God exists and that Christianity is true (or rational to believe), and while the rational side of me knows this, and while the rational side of me also knows that the problem of evil is a pseudo-problem that can be easily answered from a purely rational and emotionless perspective, I must admit that when I see a child suffering or hear of a child or woman who suffered some horrendous abuse, I do not, at a rational level, doubt the existence of God nor even His goodness, but I do tremble with rage at the idea that that omnipresent and omnipotent and omniscient son-of-a-bitch (God forgive me) would allow such evil to occur to a little one without vanquishing that evil and suffering in the very instance that it happens (although, once the rational side of me kicks back in, I do then fall on my knees and say “Thy will be done”, for I know that not only does God have good reasons for this evil, but He is the only one who can rectify it in the end, and so my protestations against Him, though emotionally satisfying, are folly from a rational perspective…not to mention that I also thank God that He is not emotion-filled like me concerning evil, for if He was, He would have wiped out humanity a hundred times over given the pain and evil each of us cause on a daily basis (and I myself, by my own standard, should have been destroyed a thousand times over, for my rage against evil and injustice is only matched by the evil and injustice which I myself commit on a daily basis but which God so mercifully overlooks rather than striking me dead on the spot, as He should, by all rights, do)); and yet, in admitting all this, my point is that to me the atheistic point of view is, in a way, cowardly, for I, if I was ever to fall into apostasy, I would  do not see atheism as a sound point-of-view to the evidence, but rather, my response would be sheer anti-theism where I would not deny God’s existence but I would fight against Him tooth-and-bloody-nail even undo death…and so this is why, in many ways, I often see atheism as a type of psychological cop-out–a avoidance of the fight, if you will–although I obviously understand that my view is not necessarily the view of anyone else.

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2 thoughts on “An Anti-Theist, not a Cowardly Atheist

  1. Atheists don’t believe there is a god, so only believers run the risk of being called cowards based on their reaction to him. But as a Christian I understood both the necessity and the tragedy that comes with free will. It never once shook my faith when god failed to intervene. I took comfort in knowing this life was nothing compared to an eternity where it would all be made right by him. It made sense according to the Bible.

    I used to think Christians who struggled with that concept and became angry with god were weak in faith. I might have called you a coward for allowing Satan to trick you in your moment of anger toward god. Now I’m only sorry that you feel so much guilt about the evils you claim you commit, and that your faith makes you this angry at another group of people whose only “sin” is that the existence of god doesn’t make sense to them.

    Without a god, there is no difficulty explaining why bad things happen. There is no story to help us understand and cope. No larger force to blame or to hope in. We only have the reality of life’s challenges. It may not be made right. Justice might not come…. and I have never once felt like a coward for being able to accept that.

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